Last Day

It is my final day of my final vacation of the year. I am lucky that after almost 20 years at the same workplace, I get 4 weeks of vacation a year. I try to take full weeks at a time, because they seem to help me get through the year. This last day is always the saddest for me, because it means I am soon entering the worst time of the year.

I get to look forward to the Holidays. I know many in my family love this time of year, and I did too, at some point in my life. Once you have worked retail, you will completely understand my feelings.

My entire year at work is spent with not enough time and too much to do, but at Christmas that increases many times over. Add in all of the other issues: crabby shoppers, increased phone calls, extra hours without overtime pay, needy employees, people calling in sick when they aren't sick, cold weather, electronics breaking down after being overworked, and I could keep going, but you didn't sign up to be bored with my grief.

I am pretty sure there is a secret pool the other associates conduct on when Kelly has her breakdown over the holidays. It can happen at any time for any reason, and I just don't have any control over it. It doesn't matter who is around when it happens, they get the wrath even if they don't deserve it. Usually the major one occurs only once between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can't help it, the pressure of everyone around you always needing something from you breaks me. I don't know what I can do to offset that problem. I know the best way is to remove myself from the need when I feel the pressure building, but unfortunately in my job I can't just leave for some quiet time when I want to. Can you imagine me yelling out to the 10 people in my line I have to go, they are out of luck, because I am ready to lose my cool? How would you feel if you were waiting in that line? I can bet that every person waiting would be thinking "how dare she, I NEED her to help me because I NEED to buy this." See, the need is always there.

I try to get it to go away when I'm at home, but there is only so much venting and talking I can do with anyone. For some reason, I just need to blow my top. Exercising will not help, my job is already physical enough. I am so physically exhausted that my sleep is focused on refreshing my body, not my mind. Alchohol is not the answer, then I lose control of my body but my mind continues to spin.

I do appreciate my family during this season. I know they understand and try to help. I know they agree that I need to find a new job, but in today's economy, that is not going to happen. All I can do is wait it out, get through next January, and then mentally forget the problems until the end of next October, when the cycle begins again.

If I forget to say it later "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!".

Lazy Days

It's Wednesday, the 5th day of my vacation and I've done nothing but lay around. I did do dishes the other night and clean the kitchen a little, but the entire place needs a fall cleaning, and I just don't have the energy to do it. I slept in until 9:30 this morning and now enjoying my third cup of coffee and messing around on the computer. I need some energy people!

Vacation's Over

Sigh...my vacation comes to a close. It is day number 10 and I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I have been a little bored, but not enough to head back to the store. I had plans to get alot done over my 10 days, but finally said, "Who cares?" and just took it easy, doing something when I felt like it. I am excited to have another week off in the middle of October, but as a lovely coworker pointed out, only 10 weeks until Black Friday. That just put me in the downward spiral!

Vacation

Yeah, I'm on vacation this week, and what beautiful weather it is! Not that I will get out of the house much, but I do enjoy having the fresh, cool air come in and get rid of the stale stuff from the air conditioner. I also love seeing my cat lying in the sun sleeping, for some reason that alone gives me peace.

I am lucky enough to get 4 vacation weeks a year. Maybe not lucky, some would call it stupid for staying in the job I have for this long to actually accrue (Kristen--is that word used correctly here?) that much time off. My employer requires us to use it all or lose it when our anniversary date arrives. Sometimes I wish I could roll some over, but I guess it actually helps my sanity to use it all.

Typically I use one week over the summer to spend with my family on a real vacation, one we actually leave town and do things together. The other 3 weeks are "me" time, or time off just to be "mom". Faith loves when I'm on vacation. I cook, clean, and home in the morning when she gets up and home when she gets off school. That doesn't mean she stays home more, she just loves that I don't make her do all of her normal chores. Why do I feel guilty asking her to empty the dishwasher or fold laundry when I am home all week and she has a full day of school and works 15 hours plus all of her classroom workstudy? She's younger than I am, but I just can't do it.

I will spend my week cleaning, MAYBE doing a closet or clean out the fridge, will run the errands to WalMart, and just might get the oil changed in the car (it's due next week, but I also have a week day off next week that I could just do it then). Time to turn on one of my playlists and get some cleaning done, or maybe I should start that book. hmmmm....

Days Off

How come time just flies by when you are on vacation? I am at the last night of a 10 day stretch off and am amazed at how much I did NOT get done. That's right, I was a very lazy person this past week. I planned on cleaning out the garage and maybe a closet or two, but did not happen. I managed to spend money though! I was so bored at home I just wandered the different stores for any bargains I could find.

I am lucky enough to have built up 4 weeks of vacation time a year, but I don't get to carry it over so it does force me to use it up. I suppose that is a good thing, but sometimes I wish I could save time up for the future. One of the weeks I save to use for the family vacation we take every summer. The other 3 weeks I use during the rest of the year to play "mom".

Hopefully the other 2 weeks I have to use the rest of the year I am a little more motivated.